Feeling of a Beautiful Love

I have dated people before, and I have found myself in the spot where I feel I should say “I love you,” but I never know if it is the right time, the right place, or even the right person. Then the situation arises where I have been told that I was loved, but wasn’t sure if I felt the same. I felt the words catch in my throat and, after enough deliberation and courage, managed to squeak out the words. After enough times, such words can become second nature, almost as if I tricked myself into believing them.

Don’t get me wrong, I have certainly felt love, even if it is a small one. Someone doesn’t just cry over someone they don’t care about, because, inevitably, the ones I’ve ‘loved’ have made me cry. I look back on them sometimes, some I think of fondly and others I wish had not even been a part of my life (this includes friends as well, not just men that I’ve dated). You can’t change the past, I know that, so I try to let these stupid people and decisions I’d made affect how I now make decisions.

However, talking about my past is not the point. My point is focusing on and enjoying both my present and my future. Currently, I am dating a wonderful man (J) to whom I could have only dreamed about. I did not think I’d have been able to find anyone so special and important, or someone I could connect with so quickly and deeply.

There is a brilliance of communication between us. I don’t think there is anything we cannot talk about or are even afraid to talk about. sometimes there are silences, but those silences are okay. I feel safe with his arms around me, and I love to hear the beat of his heart. He’s honest and respectful, funny and kind, sometimes he teases a bit (and I find my tickle spots being constantly abused) but he knows when too much is too much. I have a wonderful Christian and Pro-life boyfriend, two traits that are very important to me (and also part of the reason I became attracted to this wonderful man, who shares values of purity and family. J is taller than me, lanky but not emaciated, dirty blonde, and sports the most beautiful heterochromatic eyes (two colors in each eye, not two separate colored eyes).

I’ve never felt the kind of love that I’ve felt until I’ve been with J. I feel like hours pass by like seconds, and that there is nothing I’d rather do without him doing so with me. He can turn my day from a dark despair to a beautiful morning just by a single smile. I feel I would likely fall to tears should he get upset, and get angry with him if he were to get angry; while this may seem like something a person would not desire, it is truly one of the most interesting feelings in the world. I know that I care enough about him to know and empathize with how he feels and not just be an external bystander.

It is my sincere wish that people experience what I experience. If I may quote Moulin Rouge/David Bowie, “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” To love and to be loved lets your soul take flight and gives you a happiness you can’t fully explain. It is the point where you become someone who would rather spend time with a single person, even if that time is just sitting in a room and reading or watching a movie, than alone or with anyone else. To love and be loved is where you can sit next to each other for hours without a word passing between you two save for a light kiss or an arm around the shoulders or waist. To love and be loved is to see the look of warm emotion in the eyes of another and know that your eyes look the same.

At risk of creating a post that is too long, I shall end it with just a few more words: a beautiful love through which I have found is the best thing I could have found through school, and I could have asked for nothing more.

Photo from  http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/love/images/33915282/title/love-photo

The Lonely Bird

I wrote a little poem recently and posted it to my deviantart, but I felt like sharing it in more than one place. I feel the poem kind of describes me a little bit, and maybe describes others as well. ~Cimmerian

The Lonely Bird

Way up high in the mountain sky
The lonely bird has learned to fly
Carried high by the wind’s wings
The little bird has learned to sing
Singing songs of days that will be
She’ll roost atop a lonely tree
A tree that shares her joyous song
They’ll stay and sing; the day is long
And when her song becomes no more
The words are weaved in tales and lore
So when you see the lonely bird
Ask if her song may be heard
She’ll look to you and smile and say:
“There is no lonely bird today”

Photo taken from http://www.photosforsouls.com/scenes3.html

Between Dancing and Flirting…

So another hobby of mine, let’s say, is ballroom dance. Considering the fact that my school is full of nerds who would rather play the newest game than party it up and get drunk, I do have to give it props for offering free ballroom dance lessons twice a week. Mondays I get to enjoy the fluid moves of waltz and mellow blues. Fridays they teach Lindy-style swing and Argentinian tango.

Something to know about me is that I am a terrible flirt. Those pictures that circulate around the internet saying that “I’ll seduce you with my awkwardness” describe me fairly well. It’s not that I can’t talk to strangers; I can, actually, and quite well. I can make a friend and keep a conversation going fairly easily if the person is open to speaking as well. I have more male friends than I do female friends, which is to be expected considering the ratio at my school is 70% male, and nothing really goes beyond them other than friendships.

It’s like I have this little switch in my brain that has been broken since I was little. I see people, and don’t really see any certain features as attractive. Just recently, I’ve been finding myself slowly fixing this switch to where I can think that certain people are definitely not bad to look at, but I still don’t have many crushes on people I think “look really hot”. However, despite this, I always found myself turned off from people who tried too openly to flirt with me.  Anyway, I digress from the point.

So, back to the topic of ballroom dance. I fell in love with Waltz immediately. It’s a dance in 3/4 time, which can be kind of awkward for people who aren’t used to counting in that time. The motions in waltz are very fluid and proper and partners are very obviously separated, though they are connected by the arms. Being a follow, it was a challenge at first to clear my mind and let my lead dictate where I am to go, but after I got to that point waltzing became a fun dance that could last as long as the both of us were willing to keep going!

Lindy was the second ballroom dance I learned here. It can hardly be compared to waltz by any stretch, and that’s probably why I found it so very difficult. The dance is conducted in 6 counts and 8 counts (depending on the move), and is generally very fast paced. It took me a long time to put my weight at my core, as I’m a person that likes to walk around often on the balls of my feet, but once I got there, instead of struggling through learning I could finally have fun and work up a heavy breath with the others. Swing is one of those dances you can also do solo, but it is by far more fun if you have a partner. There are a lot more turns and spins and jumps in swing, and because of that swing can be a blast.

Tango, on the other hand, is a very sensual dance. Argentinean tango is all about the woman being a ‘seductress of the night’. I’m not as familiar with this form of dance, but I must say, despite my initial nerves, tango is a fun dance as well. I’m very much looking forward to learning the playful moves that tango has to offer. I’m not sure how it is for the leads, but I feel like tango would be a ton of fun for us follows.

Blues was my biggest worry. I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen two people blues dancing, but it’s the most sensual dance I’ve ever seen. It’s very relaxed, slow, and has the most body contact of all the dances I’ve tried. I had my first lesson this past week and must say that in light of my fears (yes, I had a fear of dancing blues with someone I didn’t know. In my mind, it seems like something you should only do with someone you care about), I managed to somehow tap into that switch that I mentioned earlier and turn it off further. Not only did I dance basic blues with strangers I had never met, I was able to do so without feeling awkward about it (only if the person I was dancing with felt the same). I’m really looking forward to this class, and would like to learn it if only to have something a step up from the dirty dancing modern people do nowadays.

So there’s a little bit about this interest of mine. All opinions of these dances come from my own experiences, and should not be taken as an opinion of all dancers who practice them. I think that ballroom is cool, but thanks for reading my little spiel, and hope it didn’t bore you too much. For anyone interested in continuing reading, I’m planning to post a new rant or topic weekly on Fridays.

Also, for those interested, here’s a couple of videos for each of the dances mentioned(Most have a lot more advanced stuff than I could probably ever do). If you like any of them, I’d recommend going out and TRYING THEM! 🙂

Blues: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28WR4V2NUas

Tango: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mFsJGKHNWk

Lindy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwsRoPvYF9g

Waltz: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1o31fsZxCc

A Short Introduction

Hello! To anyone reading, I would like to thank you, first off, for stopping by. This first little bloggy thing here is just a little bit about me.

Okay, forget that. I really feel like starting off this thing with a bang!

I want to warn you first off that I am a recently converted addict of Doctor Who. I started the series about a month ago, and am finally caught up enough for the new season premiere tomorrow (when I say caught up, I mean with the reboot in 2005. I have yet to watch the first 8 doctors).

Now that I’m finished with the six seasons, I’ve had the time to look back and reflect on the Doctor’s companions and which episodes I like and don’t like. I am a huge fan of Tennant (if you couldn’t tell), but I was very attached to Eccleston, and actually like Matt Smith as the Doctor as well (my issue with seasons 5-6 is Moffat as head writer. He’s a great writer, but he’s trying to take on too much, and is not focusing enough on attaching his audience to the characters as much as Davies did. Anyway, moving on.)

It was a series that really made me think. In the beginning, the audience was given the opportunity to really think and experience things almost like they were one of the characters. The acting, overall, was some of the best I’ve seen; especially for a TV show. Even with its lower budget, episodes like “Dalek” and “The Almost People” made me question, and “Father’s Day” made me cry. I cried for a good five or ten minutes at the end of “Doomsday”, and was made upset and confused at the end of “Water on Mars”. There has never been another series in my life that has affected me on such an emotional level. The relationships are real, and the story-writing is brilliant in my opinion.

There is also the issue of the music…Even that is enough to move me and bring me to tears. As I have now finished and am now waiting for new episodes, I’ve been listening to a lot of the soundtracks multiple times over. I swear, when even the sound of hearing the “Doomsday” theme or “Timelord Victorious” can bring a tear to my eye, they have to be doing something right. When I first stumbled upon “This is Gallifrey,” I could listen to nothing else for the next three days. The song has so much power and beauty in it, it’s like my brain needs its dose of awesome over and over.

I finally found my first genuine obsession in this show. At the age of twenty I managed to unearth something I found truly amazing and worth investing my time to learn more about.

In addition to this, however, I find I have received a new inspiration to better my own writing. I feel this fiery need to create a character of my own that can relate to a reader in the same way I could relate to the character’s in this show (This is still a work in progress).

Now that I’ve managed to get the nitty gritty of what was an inevitable Doctor Who rant, perhaps I’ve caught your attention. Perhaps I’ve bored you with talk of sci-fi (though really, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it). Point being, I’ll try my best not to talk all the time about wibbly-wobbly stuff, and vary it up a bit. Though, beware a random reference every now and then. If I’m clever (though I’m not known for being very clever) perhaps you won’t notice them.